Declaring your Independence! Is your move also liberating your children?

By: Ann Burnside Love

Before I moved to my independent living retirement community, I admit I was bugging my children for information or assistance undoubtedly more than I realized. They have always been good-natured about this, but their demanding professional and family schedules didn’t really have room for things I impulsively just picked up the phone and asked about. (Especially irksome to them when I didn’t remember I’d already asked………….) Anything sound familiar yet?

“But there were special circumstances!” I plead.

Maybe. Since I myself had become, as an only child and a young widow, responsible for a series of elderly relatives, including in-laws, while my four children were still young, they grew up knowing about the recurring needs of the elderly and actually taking part. They helped them move, for example, or gave routine/frequent help of one sort or another as needed. And they did it with patience and kindness. I also worked hard to conceal irritation, worry over upset schedules and constant fatigue, except when sorely pushed.

Thus, I’ve always been independent by nature and by need, which my whole life demonstrated until I became semi-retired, after health challenges intervened. Again, sound familiar? So now I know for a fact my move was as good for my children, in countless ways, as it has been for me. Especially that I am safe through storms, winds and political irresponsibility. (No, no, not that last! That’s just mental churning!)

Now I have access to good people ready to:

• Dig my car out of the snow and clean sidewalks

• Drive me to doctor’s appointments when I shouldn’t drive myself

• Fix a lamp or replace ceiling light bulbs

• Put a heavy sliding door blind back up

• Replace my dead microwave

• Put a shower door back on its sliding rails

• And much more, such as keeping my apartment sparkling — and serving delicious meals!

Things my children who live nearby still do regularly, now that I am no longer a young retiree:

• One, who is president of the company I founded, takes me to lunch twice a month for updates. He also provides transportation to his children’s sports events, theater performances and school occasions.

• Two are computer savvy and can respond when I have computer or associated printer or other gear challenges. They are priceless assists for a writer with deadlines who goes crazy when …………

• One is my financial advisor and also helps me get ready for tax preparers.

• One has told me to call her first before becoming big-time agitated when I can’t find something important. She has generously provided endless kindnesses for years.

• They invite me to all sorts of delightful occasions and pick me up at the door.

• They phone to check in regularly or irregularly, which I appreciate beyond measure.

Ÿ One makes me laugh until my ribs ache.

I’m sure you could prepare your own list of things your children, other relatives, professionals or friends do to assist you from time to time. (Few retired people of my age are still on a schedule such as mine, which has its ridiculous aspects.)

This Independence Day, may you find peace of mind and time to participate at the retirement living community of your choice. They all offer a whole gamut of activities and services to make life enjoyable for you. And, for heaven’s sake, remember that independence has limits! You aren’t alone anymore! Carry on!

Ann’s new blog appears here every Thursday. Comments are appreciated!